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Asexuality

by DestroyerMariko

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1.
You Won't 03:55
I don’t need your advice I’m not in denial I’m not incomplete All these things that you say Fill me up with this rage Now you’ll hear me speak All these years I’ve had to try Too hard to open up your eyes But yours is not the only way You’ll shut your mouth today I’ve grown tired of your games You manipulate I deny your control I don’t have to adjust I’ve endured enough Take your threats and go You may never recognise That I can see right through your lies But you will never have your way I’ll shut your mouth today 私は話す (I speak) あなたは今聞く(You listen now) I don’t need your advice I’m not incomplete All these years I’ve had to try Too hard to open up your eyes But yours is not the only way You’ll shut your mouth today You. Won’t. Change. Me. You. Won’t. Tame my thunder. You. Won’t. Break. Me. You. Won’t. Take me under.
2.
Catch 22 03:51
For the longest time Truth was hard to find So when I gained the answer I thought you wouldn’t mind Oh but isn’t it funny That I could be so naïve An issue I thought was nothing Is something you disbelieve So now I’m on display For you to prod and pry You claim I’ll meet somebody I shouldn’t be so shy Or could it be a religion I should have been a nun You ask me if something happened When I was very young Was it a mistake to let you know The boundaries of where I’d go And should I dwell on what you say Or is it time to turn away Well if I never tried it How would I ever know But am I still legitimate If I’ve given it a go You want me to fall into self-doubt Locked in your Catch 22 But if I split in half now Would that satisfy you
3.
Stumbling through a nightmare world The voices gather to squeeze me Saturation to reaffirm Their dedication to feeding Blaring sirens and neon lights On every corner are preaching Howls demanding my compromise While puppet masters are scheming Maybe I can hide away Somewhere I can disobey Everywhere I go all I see Are the symbols of their need And I feel alone in my mind It’s shoved in my face In every place To sell me a story I cannot embrace Demand I comply And torture my eye But I cannot change myself So I defy (So I rebel, I defy) Quietly I sneak away to find myself a place to breathe Shut my eyes and block my ears, resist the hordes conformity Suddenly I find myself surrounded and I can never leave Tendrils of their influence, a shadow forever haunting me
4.
So it seems I am broken You declare my words unspoken This disease You’ve determined Just a symptomatic burden I return To your laughter You rejoice at my disaster I am burned As I falter My direction you have altered How could you treat me like this An expert in your game You’ve never understood me Absorbed in your misguided aims Will you ever hear me Will you let me find myself
5.
Comrades 03:34
I came to you for help My comrades in the battle But you still talk about it all And I’m no better off It seems there’s no escape You’re just as bad as everybody else And I’m done I came to hide but found something worse Appropriation of all their words Refocus in on what I avoid I see the world now turning to Freud And everybody follows along Conformity in vision and song Unvaried culture forever mundane Clones of each other but I’ll break the chains Toxic plethora, to be more precise Obsessive need to categorise Your futile language of indignation You see the world as separation New propaganda thrown in my face Enforcing silence to fake a safe place You let them hijack, forfeit control Aggressive hatred, a new protocol It’s fine, I’d rather not stay I guess I’ll go my own way And I'm done.

about

"Asexuality" is a concept album exploring the difficulties of being an asexual person, while also breaking the conventions currently prevalent in asexual creative culture. In this project, DestroyerMariko draws from her own experiences, as well as her background in industrial and heavy metal music. This EP marks the debut of her solo project, and first re-entry into the music scene after her previous band, Rainbow Death Ray, went on hiatus in 2016.

credits

released November 7, 2018

All art and music by Mariko Gray.
Mixing and mastering by Adrian Windsor.

Many thanks to my patrons on Patreon
www.patreon.com/destroyermariko

Thanks also to: Professor Ian Howard; Kit Wing Fu; Chicks With Picks, McKenzie Raymond, and Sally Hacket; Greg Simmons; Anna Watanabe; my UNSW Master of Art Capstone classmates; and all my friends, family, and music families. Your support means so much!

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about

DestroyerMariko Sydney, Australia

DestroyerMariko is a chaotic creative, unwilling to settle into any single mode of self-expression. She enjoys exploring dualities & dark themes related to psychology, society, & the downfall of humanity. Her metal background informs her solo industrial sounds.

Past bands: A.D.Destroyer (2020); Rainbow Death Ray (2014-2016); Wintergaunt (2013)

Other work: Youtube; painting; poetry; bonsai; etc.
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